places to go and people to see

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Tonight was awesome.

It was the parent orientation night at my school, no kids allowed, so naturally, a third of my grade was there. We hung out outside, talking and comparing schedules and ohmygosh, I missed all of them so much. <3
You were there. 
That was painful.
But I talked to a couple of other people (H, K, S, M, R and A) and they get it. I'm not alone.
J might be useful. I can't wait for school to start so I can figure this frickin' feelings thing out. It's total bullshit when people tell you to just tell someone because there are a thousand different ways they could react and the odds of them reacting the way you want them to are slim to none.
Not to say that I'm not going to just tell you, because I really, really want to, and I have it all planned out in my head.
I just need to get a couple of things sorted out first.
I almost wish I had come to this realization before A came along. They'll make it all more difficult.
But I'll get through this.
There are a dozen people who have my back.
I will get through this, whether it turns out well or not.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Fashion post!

Whoo. So I follow (well, I say follow, really I just you Really Simple Syndication, or RSS feeds) this blog called Fashion of Glee. It's like, everything a Glee character has ever worn. The item, the designer or brand, the price, where you can get it, if it's still available, etc.
Also, the actors.
Basically, all of the ladies wear all Christian Louboutin shoes, all the time. Sometimes, the gents do too.
Through Glee, I have found that I adore this designer.
Look at the shoes. All of you. Gaze at them in awe.

I believe the ladies of Glee have actually worn #3 and #6 up there, for red carpet events. And they always look fantastic.
But really. They're gorge shoes, and I wish I could afford a single shoe, much less multiple pairs XD
Ugh, designer is so expensive...

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


You guys.
My awesomely lovely readers.
I have a new blog.
Submissions are totally open, just whatever you have to add about love.
Spread the word, maybe?

why'd you have to be so cute?

it's impossible to ignore you
why must you make me laugh so much?
it's bad enough we get along so well
goodnight and go.
one of these days
you'll miss your train
and come stay with me
we'll have drinks and
talk about things
any excuse to stay awake with you
i'll sleep here, you'll sleep there
but then the heating may be down again
at my convenience
we'd be good, we'd be great, together...
say goodnight and go.
(Goodnight And Go, Imogen Heap)

Yay! Cryptic, non-specific blog posts!

I'm sorry, but I need somewhere to say something. And since this is my blog, it'll be here.
I've talked myself out of it. Every time, I think, I can do this.
Every time, I think, but you'll flip out. It'll ruin what we have. I can't do this, why did I ever think I could?
No matter who I talk to, I talk myself out of it. I'm a pro when it comes to arguing, and I try to argue my way out of talking to you.
But I need to. Everyone I ask says it might end best if I talk to you. If you don't know what I mean, then you can leave me alone.
A few people say I should anyway. Ask you to give me space, I mean. Sometimes I think it might be for the best.
Someone I trust and admire told me, " suggestion would be to take time away from [them]. Don’t be mean to them, but spend time meeting new people." Maybe that's what I should do, I'll think. Maybe I'd get over you, move on and find someone else.
But then I'll remember that sometimes I go weeks or months without seeing you, and suddenly, you're all I can think about. How much I miss you, how incredibly you are, how much I care about you. I wonder what you're doing. 
I plan out how I'll tell you everything next time I see you.
It never happens.
So I guess it'll stay like this for now. I'm sorry it has to be this way, because you don't know how much I would love for you to know, but I can't tell you. Not yet.
Maybe one of these days.

Enough is enough.

but what is 'enough'?
At times
I feel like I'm not enough
whether it's not thin or pretty or smart or 'normal' or just plain good enough,
I think everyone has moments like that.
And in those moments, we just need to remember
that everyone has felt that way
and that we are not alone.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

aaaand by publishing that post i have probably made a dreadful mistake.

now you'll all pester me about who I have a crush on (if you don't know), won't you?
No reverting to drafts. That is my rule on this blog together and I am sticking to it.
So there.

Contrary to popular belief...

It's not all about the looks for me. I have all of these celebrity crushes, and they're really attractive (look at Daniel Sharman you guys just look he's beautiful) but the personalities I know aren't necessarily them and I recognize that and I don't like them nearly as much as anyone I actually know. I was having this discussion with S today in relation to the person I have a crush on (well, I say crush. it's a bit more than that) because he's not typically thought of as attractive.
He's not the standard of hotness for guys these days. (though really, none of the guys I know are, so. Heh.)
But that isn't what's important to me anymore. Apparently. I'm not sure when this occurred, but it seems to have occurred and that's what's important.
But yeah. I mean, not only do I like him (a lot [like a lot a lot]) for who he is, but I do happen to be attracted to him.
I don't know. It's just something I realized.
Not really relevant. Probably none of you care.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I've been lame and missing and I'm sorry.

I've been surprisingly unbusy this week. My sister got her wisdom teeth out (oh, the joy. THE PAIN AND SUFFERING)... I spent a couple of days with some of my friends from school who I haven't seen since CTE ended... Um... I've kind of worked out through a counselor a tutor for this year! He went to my school, he's in college now, and he's probably going to work with me once a week on long-term projects and stuff. Or if Dad's at trainings and can't help with my math. Heh.
Aaaaand today my friend Rachel had her Bat Mitzvah! It was a huge deal and super fantastic. My family isn't Jewish, and not a lot of my friends are, so her's was the first I've ever been to, and it was so much fun. I read a translation of her Torah portion, or an Aliyah, during the ceremony, and got to listen to a lot of Hebrew. It's such a gorgeous language, especially because most of the prayers are sung by the congregation. Then we headed to the reception/party/thing(whatdoicallitracheliknowyou'rereadingthis) and the food was awesome to epic proportions.
And we danced (and we cried. and we laughed. and had a really, really good time. haha. no. sorry.) a bunch (four?) different dances that are apparently usually performed (is that the right word here?) at Jewish celebrations (or maybe just Bat/Bar Mitzvahs, I don't know).
My favorite was the one where the guests entertained the (well, technically bride and groom, it's traditionally a wedding dance, but whatever) the Bat Mitzvah and her parents.
Ohmygosh. Her uncle and Rabbi Seth are fantastic dancers. So much fun to watch. (also Rabbi Seth just did all of the dance moves, even when it was the seventh grade girls leading. that was fantastic. Rachel, your Rabbi is one of my favorite people ever.)
Soooo that was kinda my day.
Also I got to hang out with Sami (who I hadn't seen since the end of CTE, like forrealz, even though we've both been back for a week) and Jake and Quinn.
And I get to go to Sami's and spend endless hours in the treehouse with her and Quinn tomorrow.
Today was good.
Also, on an unrelated note, and I swear this will be the last time I talk about this, I have a huge readership from Russia now.
How cool is that? Also, now a minor one from Australia. Hey, my dear Russian readers, any chance of you logging in to leave comments? Or following, so that I know who you are? I'd love to get to know you :D

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Because. This.

I mean really.
It's just plain rude.
S and I were talking today, about how when the movie comes out and there's way too much hype, we'll go see it and when the bit at the end arrives, and Valentine tells Jace that Clary is his sister, we'll just be sitting in the back of the theater laughing our butts off.
And then we'll get crap from newbies for shipping Clace because 'No! Incest is bad! No!'. Whatever.
Also, if they leave that bit with Luke and Valentine is, I'll just whisper, 'no homo,' whether the line is the same or not.
I mean really. The line 'You ripped my heart out years ago,' just needs a 'no homo' tacked on to the end of it.
Ooh. I wonder when they'll start filming with Godfrey? I can't wait to see how they dress him. I expect skintight leather, exposed skin, bright colors, and just the right amount of glitter.
And the occassional Victorian-era piece thrown in (preferably with the leather and glitter.)
We all know he'll werk it ;D


When did South Korea come into the picture?

Monday, August 20, 2012


oh, screw it.
why shouldn't you?
How much was it for, anyway?
I'll try to rig it in your favor :D
i mean, we're both good actors. I don't necessarily have to come clean.
yes i would.
ohhh crap.
I hate you.
No, I don't.

Hey, You.

Yeah, You.
Stop what you're doing. I don't care what it is.
This is important.
You're really cool.
You're interesting.
You're worth something to someone. To me.
You're beautiful.
You can do whatever you want to.
You're incredible at what you love.
You're kind.
People respect you.
Any you know what else?
You deserve to be happy.
If you're feeling down today, don't be.
The sun is shining today.
It's shining for you.
Be happy.
Smile for me. You have a gorgeous smile.
Use it more often.
There's just one more thing I need to tell you.
Then you can go back to your task at hand.
Do you know what I need to tell you?
I didn't think so.
So here I go:
I love you.
You're fantastic.
If you're my friend, then you know it's true.
I love you. So much.
If I've never met you, well, you should still know it's true.
And whether I know you or not, know this:
I am not the only person who feels that way.
Think about it.
At least three other people you know love you.
At least.
Trust me.

First day of the real world.

I couldn't sleep past 10. Which is good, considering that I only have two weeks to acclimate back to a school schedule (dammit i hate those), but...
Ugh I have nothing to do.
And, as of recently (inexplicably), I hate that feeling. I have to be doing something, I have to be productive or else I get grumpy.
Grumpy Rose is not good.

Saturday, August 18, 2012


And stuff. So on a couple of posts (see the one before this one for an example) when I look at them, the first few lines are highlighted so that you can't see the text.
I can't figure out why.
So is you really care, just click and drag to highlight it with your mouse (or if you're a hipster like me and use a trackpad, then with that) (or if you're more of a hipster and use a tablet ala Wacom) and it should show up.
Unless I'm the only one having that problem with my blog? IDK.
Let me know.

Home (at long, long last)

...I love the mountains, I love the Puget Sound, I love Seattle, I love the liberals, I (really) love cloudy days, and all the pointy trees, boom deyada boom deyada boom deyada boom deyada...
I get to sleep in my own bed tonight. Thank god
I don't believe I ever mentioned how awful the Southwestern/Mexican food is in the Midwest.
Ohmygosh. It's awful.
Taco Del Mar was delicious compared to that. Ugh.
Also, because I've basically had Italian food or fish every night for the past ten days, I really, really want, like, Indian food or Tempura or something. I need flavor.
Flavor, but...Healthy. All healthy.
I started designing an exercise regime for myself while I was in Michigan, because I felt bad that I was missing my dance class. Crunches and stair steps (augh. frickin painful) and planking and push ups (I can now do about thirteen in a row if I'm really trying. which is like, a personal best. don't judge).
Tomorrow morning, I'm planning to get up, go for a run, and have eggs for breakfast because ohgod they sound so good. Then we get to go pick up the puppy (well, I say puppy; she's two as of August 8th, but she's tiny so whatever) from camp.
There was a very small dog (no seriously. it was tiny.) on the flight from Phoenix to Seatac, and I let it sniff me on my way past it getting off of the plane, and it dove at my hand. vicious little beast. (you guys I could comfortably hold this thing in one hand. it wanted to rip my throat out.)
So... My trip is over.
Two weeks until school starts.
Whatever shall I do?

Skunks, Fog, and Cinnamon Twists (I wrote this reeaaaally early this morning, but I haven't had internetses til now)

TRAVEL DAY! (Celebration time!)
As I’m writing this, I’m sitting in the car (writing in a word processor because lack of wifi) and it’s 8am Eastern time.
I was up at 6am eastern time, AKA 3am Western time. Yeah, feel sorry for me XP
There’s patchy fog, but where there is fog, it’s really heavy. K is making jokes along the lines of, ‘The dementors are breeding.’ It feels like New England (or Aberdeen. Not telling you if I mean WA or Scotland.)
Also skunks. I can’t eat right away in the morning, so we got about half an hour out from the house and I got out the bag with the cinnamon rolls in it and
The smell
Oh god
The smell.
Dead skunk, people. If you have never smelled skunk, then you are so. Freaking. Lucky. I get it every year when I come to Michigan because there are so many skunks. Usually I only get it once though, so… UGH IT WAS AWFUL. Really made me want to eat.
But then I did and the cinnamon rolls that basically my entire family had for breakfast are from this little restaurant in Leland called the Bluebird. Favorite restaurant in the world. They have the best whitefish and perch and it is so good. The cinnamon rolls there come with the breadbasket before the meal, and they’re just like really soft wheat-cinnamon dough and then cinnamon sugar on top. We were there (as we are once a year, unfortunately… but whitefish is only found in Lake Michigan, so there you go. :P) last night and my sister decided that we should have some for breakfast so my grandma talked to Sandy, the hostess (who’s been there since she was fifteen, according to my Opa) and we got nine so I had two for breakfast J
So… we’re driving back down to Midway, which is about a 6.5 hour drive (wheeeee six hours in the car with K wheeeee)  and then we get on a plane and go to Phoenix (no layover. Staying on the plane. Thank god.) and straight on ‘til Seattle. Then, you know, the like two hour long drive home.
Buuut the point is that we will be home.
With Grandma and the cats and my bathroom. Oh, how I have missed my bathroom. Ooh, and my bed. Because, you know, it has a mattress pad on it (ugh I can’t figure that out) and it doesn’t have pot under it (I reaaaally don’t know). And it’s pillow top and super comfy and not evil on my back like the one next to the wall in the small bedroom is. I mean, I love it. But it’s evil.
Going home never felt so good. J

Friday, August 17, 2012


Whoops I dolled.

From L-R: Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy.

You know you're a Lake girl when...

You tell people that your skin is so soft because of the lake.
You don't want to sleep inside because you can't hear the waves.
You lie on the dock for hours, watching the stars.
You tip the sailboat (or canoe, or kayak, or paddleboard) and you laugh.
You take control of getting the powerboat ready to go when everyone else wants to go, but is still sitting inside.
Your best days are the ones when you sit on the dock all day.
If your hair isn't wet, something is wrong; you're probably sick.
You go swimming even if you're sick.
You beat the Itch like a boss.
You realize you have tan lines, worry about skin cancer, and forget to reapply sunscreen after swimming.
You never want to leave.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Thoughts on 2.08

Ohhhh crap.
Is he Wolfy but then small doses of Bane in the pills, or...?
But i was basically going ohhh crap for the entire episode.
And complaining because Daniel Sharman is a real person who exists and life is unfair.

Monday, August 13, 2012

I am nothing.

I love my house.
I really, really do. I moved a little over a year ago, and I'm really happy where I live.
I went to a concert tonight, and on the way back, I was just staring out the window.
I can see the stars here.
I went straight out to the dock when I got home; lay down on my back. I saw the first shooting star maybe thirty seconds later.
The sky looked like a dome above me, like I could shoot an arrow at it and crack it. Like beyond the black, there were tiny little holes in the sky where the light could shine through.
It looked like there were rips in the atmosphere when the shooting stars left trails.
I felt tiny and insignificant. We've landed on Mars, you guys.
Mars, a million miles away.
I could be seeing things that don't exist when I'm on the dock.

I took the plunge last night.

I started watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
It's so awful. It's cheesy and stupid but I love it.
I can't decide between Pinkie Pie (WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE) and Applejack (Twilight, sugar) and Rarity (OMG SHE'S LIKE ME. FASHIONFASHIONFASHION) and Fluttershy (eeeee the actual most adorable thing) and Twilight Sparkle (she uses big words and is an antisocial nerd :D) and Rainbow Dash (because HYPER) and I just love them all so much.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

...So I reread City of Bones this week.

City of Bones is the first book in The Mortal Instruments series; it's fantastic. Cassandra Clare, the author, is incredible. Also, you should jump on the bandwagon now when casting for the movie is still in progress, rather than when everyone's reading it because of the movie hype.
But that's not my point. Because I've read the entire series (and parts of it, multiple times, namely, the parts that either made me squeal or cry [or do both, there are always some of those]), when Magnus showed up I cried.
When Magnus met Alec, I cried. When the scene in Izzy's bedroom happened, I cried. When the scene with Alec and Clary happened, I cried.
Also when the scene in Renwick's happened and Jace spilled his wine I laughed until I cried because oh. Sweetie. No.
Also Gretel and Alaric. :( I liked them.
...And then there's my feels about Valentine. He thinks he so righteous, and he's not, he's really not, but he what he believes in, he believes in so strongly. He may be doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons, but he thinks he's doing right and if he were, he would be doing it incredibly well. Valentine's utterly brilliant, and that's what I love about him. He's a villain, but I still really like him because he's such as good character.
He's super important to the plot and fabulously written and
i just
I love him.
He's so brilliantly bad and I love him. :D


Sooooo. The Warblers (and Sebastian) have been confirmed for season four!
And yes, I really do feel the need to post about this because I totally started crying when I found out. I love them.
...And it's not just because they're attractive. (though most of them are. I'm sad that Brock Baker and Aaron Page are gone though :( ) They're also really interesting. I mean, we know why Blaine and Kurt were at Dalton, but why are they there? That's why I love Dalton so much. Wes is the Mafia! Dwight's uncle went to Dalton!
But that's irrelevant right now.
My point is that I want to know more about them. We kind of got that with Sebastian, which was actually strange (they brought in someone brand new!) because he got a big backstory (and I'm hoping to also see more of Karofsky this season, which... just... I want Karythe to be a thing! I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY DANGIT).
And, you know, Grant Gustin is super pretty and
that doesn't matter
at all
not to me
But like, in season two, we met Jeff and Nick, and they each had (apparently shortened :P) lines and the a lot of the fandom fell in love with them.
And started shipping them like crazy. They have a weebly site.
At the beginning of S3, Blaine transferred to McKinley to be with Kurt, and when he visited to do shameless self-promotion (no seriously. Like, I get that he loves his old friends, but... it's a 1.5 hour drive from Westerville to Lima. Like, seriously. No, brah. No. don't do that.) he walked in on rehearsal and Nick was singing and Uptown Girl was one of the best performances of the entire third season.
The only reason that was a thing was to introduce Sebastian, who was an issue for Klaine (though why he went for Blaine I'm still not sure. Like. look at chris colfer you guys. he's so prettyyyyy.).
Except that at the end of Michael they were all mad at him.
even jon/derek and they were totally together
whoops what?
So. I hope that we get a little bit more interesting stuff with next season.
Oh. And, because Chris's contract hasn't changed, he'll still be around... but that doesn't mean he'll be in Lima. And Darren has another year as Blaine, but he might transfer back to Dalton. I say MIGHT because New Directions needs a new male lead, but Blaine was always happier at Dalton. He was the first soloist. I want to see more of that environment, and if the Warblers are back, it might mean that he's a main character the way that Rachel or Kurt was.
Right. Me, always the optimist.

Friday, August 10, 2012

My dear readers,

Welcome to MICHIGAN (where you will be for a week, through me)!!!
ugh we got here so late. BUt I got to see my awesome cousin Becky, who just started swim practice (hey Sami you would like her she's a swimmer. like, on her high school [varsity?] swim team) and is apparently obsessed with 1D. (oh, the joy.)
And we got to see my Uncle Rick and his wife Meredith (who is a little crazy, but she's nice) AAAAND Becky's parents, Nancy and Greg (who I adore. they are so cool.) and, of course my Grandma and Opa. And I'm going fishing with him this summer; he asked right away if he should get nightcrawlers :D
I've already had my feet in the lake.
I missed home.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

How could I forget?

I'm working on a project.
It's Japanese legend that if you fold 1000 paper cranes, then you will be granted your greatest wish.
I'm 145 in.
I'm not, I repeat not, going to say what my greatest wish is, primarily because I'm not sure that I know. The human subconscious is a fickle thing, and what I believe to be what I want may in fact be the opposite.
But it seems unlikely.
I might be posting celebratory things when I hit milestones, and I didn't have my computer when I 100, so here:

Celebratory GIFs!!! :D


First leg of the trip: COMPLETE.
Lots of hours on a plane. I dislike TSA and backpacks, just for the record, but I actually didn't mind the plane.
It's like, I've done it so many times on this exact same trip, that now I just go 'okay, I just have to get through Security and get on the plane and we're good.'
I could fly alone, if circumstances required. Actually, I could fly alone if I wanted to and my parents let me. Which I think they would.
So, lots of hours on a plane (next to a guy who was reading Trojan Odyssey by Clive Cussler and listening to Led Zeppelin. Twenty-something. Wearing a West Coast Paintball tournament shirt. It was quite interesting. Also, don't call me a creeper. I like peoplewatching and observing things. ...and he was attractive. quit judging me) and then we got the rental car. It's... small. The guy we talked to complimented my mom on her manners (she called him sir, he was like, 'you were raised right') and then they got into a conversation about the military and WWII, which he was in. Which meant he was in his eighties. At least. :/
Flight, Car, and then dinner. (ha, I say dinner. it was like 10pm here, but whatever) We went to a pizza place and I tried deep-dish pizza. I have to say, not my favorite. Edible, but... I prefer Vics and Oldschool. :D Also, at dinner, I discovered that not only is BMX racing an Olympic sport, but there's men's and women's.
I want to be an Olympic level BMX Racer. Seriously, sign me up. That's so cool. Dangerous looking, but awesome.
We drove for an hour (we flew into Midway, which is in Chicago, which, as I hope you know, is in Illinois. Valparaiso is in Indiana) and now I'm sitting in my hotel at like, 1am local time.
But tomorrow we drive up to Michigan and I'll get to see my Grandma and Opa and the lake and my (well, except for the political aspect... yay! Mitt Romney!) home. Because if home is where the heart is, then I think my home is the small bedroom at the Aardvark House.
Don't ask.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I-I... What? I...

Malaysia, waterudoin on mah blog?
Because now it's split 1:1:2 US, Germany (which I'm used to at this point, lol) and Malaysia.
I'mma stop asking.

One does not simply

forget about dance class.
Haha, it was fun tonight, even though i don't actually know the dance (after missing *cough* three weeks. O.o)

Tie Clips!

Don't you just hate it when you see some really cool item of clothing or accessory on a TV show or in a movie and then you try to find it later and
...In my case, it's most definitely a men's accessory, and I wouldn't have much use for it, but it's still one of those things where I just want it because I love men's fashion (and my parents will never get me GQ fashion issues :P) and it's like, perfect.

It's Neal's tie clip from seasons 2-3 of White Collar. And, you know, his hat, because I love fedoras like you wouldn't believe, but those I can sometimes find.
It's shaped like a little belt, you guys! I want it so badly!
Buuut I was doing research and I think it's a vintage piece (just like ALL of the best dresses on Glee) which are impossible to find.
Thrift shops here I come :)
But really. Men's fashion is one of my favorite things ever. Also well-dressed men make me swoon. Like, um, Neal Caffrey. (the well dressed guy in that there photo.) Who's fictional.
And the actor's gay. And has three kids.
It's really not funny. His family's really cute though! :)
So that's something most people don't know about me: I am a sucker for men's fashion. If there's a way to my heart, it's through the guy's suit.

I had this idea for a really great post

But I have actually no idea what it was.
Maybe next time.
Have some (i was gonna say muzak but this is fantastic so haha) music!
because, you know, I'm sitting at home.
Bad pun is bad.
But this boy, Hunter Parrish (who's actually like 24, I can call him a boy, whatever), is definitely one of my favorite actors of all time.
he's a main character on the show Weeds, and he's been cast as a principle in two different Broadway shows (Spring Awakening and Godspell) and now he has an EP out and that's on it and i just
he's fantastic. :)
Aaaand I reaaaally need to pack for my trip.


The final Maximum Ride book came out recently and I finished it in about two hours.
And then I died. Like seriously, I threw myself facedown on my parents bed and nearly cried.
Not telling you if it was good or bad. Yet.
I still need to figure it out for myself.
But the thing is, the writing is like a bad romance novel. "Caribbean-sea-blue eyes" is a phrase used (by MAX, of all people. I mean, really.) to describe Dylan's eyes. UGH.
I love Dylan, I really do. I like him way more than I like Fang because he's like, 'max has boundaries and reservations about me and that's okay and I'll respect that but maybe we'll end up together' and fang is just like 'hahaha no kiss me max.'
Also Fang has a chapter where he's just like, 'Max is... my soulmate.'
ughhhhhh i can't handle this.
And then there's the ending.
Like, what did I even read? is this the real life? is this just fantasy?
Haha. No.
But really. If you want spoilers, then maxandfanggettogetherandtheworldendslikewhatreally? but if you don't, then just pretend I didn't say anything.
Nothing at all.

... time difference? Anyone?

To those of you who know where i live (dun dun dun) What's the time difference between a) here and MI, and b) here and Russia?
You know.

On a different note,

I'm going on a trip tomorrow!
Which means that I really need to go to bed!
Neeever gonna happen. I am a night owl and that. is. that.
Unfortunately, it's really difficult to travel east for me, because of the time change.
And from where I live, it's only possible to travel east.
Because I'm on PS(and sometime D, but I can't remember when that is, so...)T.
But in any case, I'm going on a trip. We don't have to leave for the airport until eleven am, which is a definite plus because god knows I can't get up early like ever, but I need to pack everything and find things and AHHH I am not ready.
But also I'm kinda going to the midwest and my Opa is kinda conservative (only kinda, but still) and I was hoping to get my hair done before we left.
I want to dye it.
And then I thought, oh, what would his reaction be and I'm not sure I want to imagine it because I love my Opa.
Also him and my Grandma are the rich grandparents. Three marriages for my grandmother (who knows literally everyone, like, i wouldn't be surprised if one of these days we called her and she would be like, 'oh, i just got off the phone with Hilary Clinton, she told me about this and this,'), and my Opa is (was?) a doctor. And a missionary. A mission doctor? anyway, that probably means the iTunes money I desperately need and ohmygod I sound so spoiled.
Usually I have to use the money that I earn from taking care of my neighbors' dogs and petsitting and stuff! Believe me!
And, you know, I don't actually need it, but I really, really want that Hunter Parrish EP because he is actually perfect and i am actually in love with his voice so you know.
But I need to pack everything (which is a lot. I am high-maintenance, okay?)
And I need sleep to do that.
So with that, I bid the internet adieu for tonight.
I may post photos of my trip, if I get the chance, and I'll definitely keep my friends back home up to date. Sami, expect texts like Spring Break.
You know what i mean.

what is this

I'm still getting, like, equal readership from the US and Russia.
Hello? Whoever's accessing my blog from Russia or a Russian IP address or something? I don't know who you are.
So, like, I'm kinda freaking out. I'mma go check if I have anon comments enabled, and if they're not, I'll enable them, and maybe you could, you know, tell me who you are?
I'm a bit paranoid, a lot of people don't know that about me. I can't walk home from the park three blocks away at night without freaking out because there's a dark spot with lots and lots of trees.
And I live in one of the safer parts of town.
Buuuut I still freak out.
I'll do that, and maybe I can figure out who you are.
And, you know, stop myself from shutting down my blog because I'm afraid I'm being stalked. (I'm known to attempt such things.) (at least by myself.)
(shut up, i'm a private person.)

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Mat Kearney

Mat Kearney - Ships in the Night
I had never heard of this guy until Teen Wolf (because of a really incredible fanvid) but I found this song, Ships in the Night, and it's gorgeous.
So I looked him up and he's from Eugene, Oregon, and right now I think he's on tour with Train and Andy Grammer. If you like Train, Jason Mraz, Ingrid Michaelson, or John Mayer, I would definitely suggest checking him out :)

I just want to be loved.

Really. I know that a lot of my more recent posts have been 'omg flails' but this one's serious.
Sometimes I feel like I don't matter. Like, I know that I'm surrounded by people who care about me, and I am so, so grateful for that (oops I'm late for Esther day but to all of you reading this: I LOVE YOU! You are all fantastic and brilliant and I'm so, so lucky to have to as my friends :D), but do I make a (positive) difference in their lives?
Do I?
Not to mention that personal things come up sometimes, things that involve hormones and my brain-thing not being rational and I hate it and I don't feel like I'm doing enough.
There are a million songs that I used to be able to relate to fictional characters, and now I listen to them and I'm like, "this could be about me right now. This could be me talking to someone else right now."
And I hate that feeling.
I hate feeling helpless, or like I'm not doing enough.
I hate feeling like I have to hide things from certain people who I thought I trusted.
I hate it I hate it I hate it and I don't really think I can do anything about it.
Which is, in fact, truly unfortunate, because I want to say something or do something but I don't have the courage.
I have a million plausible scenarios planned out in my head and I'll see a moment for them and it'll always pass, I'll always let it pass.
It's a really awful feeling knowing that you could have done something to help yourself but you were too shy.