I keep blogging about how long it's been since I've blogged. Which is boring.
Thus, this is not a post about how long it's been since I've blogged.
It's a post about...
I don't know if he reads this.
I know I gave him a link, a long time ago.
I know he knows how I feel.
I know he 'zapped' me today at break.
I know I want to go through with it.
But I also know that someone else has said that I shouldn't, because he doesn't know what he would say.
So, if he's reading this, I ask him now: If I went through with the 'zap', what would he say? Would he break my heart because he doesn't know for sure, or would he let us try this?
Because if he's so confused that he might say no, then I'm not going to. I'm going to ask him to give me space so that maybe (maybe) I can get over him. But if he'll let us try... then I'm going to do it.
I am going to let myself be freed from a confinement that I've placed on myself for over a year. I'm going to let myself wonder and live. I'm going to let myself be happy.
And that's what would be best for me.
If it's not best for him, then he shouldn't say yes.
He should give me that space, let me see if I can be just as happy on my own.
I just wish this were easier.