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Saturday, October 20, 2012

tonight is melancholy.

i'm lonely. i saw pitch perfect with rachel, and it was awesome, but now i'm alone and tired and things suck and i want someone to hold me.
someone specific, but it's not like that's gonna happen.
ever.
so i'm stuck here alone, wanting and waiting and wondering.
pondering.
wondering if it's all worth it.
i don't know anymore.

2 comments:

  1. I know you probably don't want me to butt in on your personal life like this--but I feel like I kind of have to.
    I don't want you to feel alone. I suffered through something similar last year. I never took any meds, but looking back, I really wish I had, because I basically wasted a year of my life trying to decide whether I even wanted to complete said year.
    I don't know what I can say to reassure you, because I know nothing would have reassured me when I was in the grips of that awful period of my life--on the contrary, everything people said to try to make me feel better irked me all the more. But...I had some amazing help from supportive friends and family members, and I like to think I'm back now. I'm still not completely 100% un-sick, but I have improved so much. So...I just want to tell you...it gets better. (This probably won't make you feel better at all.) But it does. There wasn't a single, dramatic Turning Point like I thought was going to take place, but, gradually, things improve.
    Please hang in there. I don't know just how @#/!!y you're feeling, but...no one wants to lose you.

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  2. It is. It's worth it. It's worth it for so many things, not least what an awesome person you are and how many great qualities you have. You might not feel like it right now, but you're a really great piece of humanity and, like McAwesome said, no one wants to lose you. I can't really know what you're going through, but you just have to keep going. You aren't alone. People care about you. Please don't convince yourself that it's not worth it because it is. Don't just sit at home and be depressed. You can beat this. Distract yourself and remind yourself how great life is. Read a book (something funny). Do whatever you like. It usually works for me. We love you.
    -Veda

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