relationships are really hard and this one used to be really super easy and it might still be for him but I don't know anymore? like we hung out last weekend and we haven't talked since but it didn't feel that weird when we talked tonight at a thing and I think that's just how we are and I wanted on a more intense level I guess? like I want our friendship only with being allowed to want to hang out without plans or hold his hand or kiss him. is that normal? probably not. do I care? hahaha nope. like, I think I mentioned in a poem on sometimesrosewrites that I want painful domesticity and while I know that's not possible because I'm fourteen and stuff, I feel like thats the next best thing and GOD do I want it.
and I mean I feel like even if it happened and then we ended badly it could be hella worse because at least we aren't going to the same school next year? like? I wouldn't have to seem him every day or even every other day or even at all if I didn't want to. and I'm gonna be able to find a new group of friends probably and knowing him so will he and they'll probably be very separate groups, so it won't matter anyway? I mean he's one of the people that, right now, I think I'll stay in touch with, but that might not be true anyway.
I DON'T KNOW I JUST REALLY LIKE HIM AND AM TRYING TO RATIONALIZE SOMETHING THAT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN.
that is all.
I bid you all adieu, then.