places to go and people to see

Saturday, July 27, 2013

🎶🎶I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is, now you're in the world🎶🎶

Friday, July 26, 2013


there's a boy I really really like and I don't know if he likes me back but he just got out of a relationship and I don't want to mess up ours but I also really do because I kinda think he likes me back a little bit but I thought that with the last boy and I haven't discussed this with anyone and I don't want to but I also really really do I just don't know who to talk about it to because he's the person I would normally talk to about stuff like this and vice versa and I think he knows I like him and we've talked about it a couple times before and once he said he liked me, the next time, which was MONTHS later, he said he had very recently but at the time he was dating someone and ughhhhh
relationships are really hard and this one used to be really super easy and it might still be for him but I don't know anymore? like we hung out last weekend and we haven't talked since but it didn't  feel that weird when we talked tonight at a thing and I think that's just how we are and I wanted on a more intense level I guess? like I want our friendship only with being allowed to want to hang out without plans or hold his hand or kiss him. is that normal? probably not. do I care? hahaha nope. like, I think I mentioned in a poem on sometimesrosewrites that I want painful domesticity and while I know that's not possible because I'm fourteen and stuff, I feel like thats the next best thing and GOD do I want it.
and I mean I feel like even if it happened and then we ended badly it could be hella worse because at least we aren't going to the same school next year? like? I wouldn't have to seem him every day or even every other day or even at all if I didn't want to. and I'm gonna be able to find a new group of friends probably and knowing him so will he and they'll probably be very separate groups, so it won't matter anyway? I mean he's one of the people that, right now, I think I'll stay in touch with, but that might not be true anyway.
that is all.
I bid you all adieu, then. 

Friday, July 12, 2013

four am

my room smells the way it does in the kitchen after someone's made applesauce, when the air is cool again but the wood and cloth and metal have taken on the tang of apple. 
there's a cat wreaking havoc in the hall. I made her leave my room when she started trying to eat the plastic bags on the chair next to my desk. now it sounds like she's bouncing a ball.
my window is closed and my fan is turned off, and I have a blanket in my bed, but it's been cloudy, and I'm cold. it feels like the temperatural equivalent of the sound glass beads make when you shake their container. 
my thoughts are a floral pattern, a Victorian romance, the text of Les Misérables. they're dark and artistic. slang and colloquialisms are below me, and everything has a slight upperclass accent to it, Bostonian or Parisian.
everything is silent, like being just under the surface of bath water. my breathing is in audible, and the absence of sound hangs heavy. there will be birds soon, but the sun isn't even peeking over the horizon, yet, and for now they sleep on. 
I have lights on in my room, but I know that if I were to turn them off, the corners would turn to vashta nerada and my shades would block any light from the streetlight, the reflections from the lake, the rising sun. it's dark and peaceful and beautiful. 
good morning, world. 

Monday, July 8, 2013


So I'm sort of back on a normal sleep schedule, yay! it's a bit weird, i've gotta admit. Like. I had been sleeping all day, but then I started going to sleep at noon, instead, and then it was at three, and then at five, and then at seven, and then at ten. and i woke up at six yesterday and at almost seven today and i'm weirdly exhausted but I think sleeping from 9-10ish to 6-8ish is gonna work. probably gonna stick. and that's a good thing!
On the other hand, though, I kind of feel stuck between being warm and cold this morning, even though i put on full-length pants, and i keep yawning and coffee sounds delicious but I'm not supposed to have caffeine because i'll be up all night but i might be anyway because of teen wolf, so....?
I just kind want to nap.
And then there's the part where i'm sitting here reading fanfiction and that's like ALL i'm doing and the words are blurring together but I don't want to bother getting up and getting my reading glasses so i might need to find something else to do? IDK.
i kinda just want another few days of the weekend, where i'm out doing things with my parents and cooking things and texting with people and i really want K to come back from portland.
she's off having a fantastic time at writing camp and i really miss her. like. i think not having her here has helped with getting my sleep back to societal norms (and what i need to have it like if i'm gonna go to school this fall) but it also means we can't discuss theories on who's the darach and i can't make her ship corsaac even though corsaac, dude. corsaac. THE SET UP IS ALL THERE IN CANON. and i want to talk about the possibility of Stiles becoming a Poison Friend and how much i want it (seriously i think about it and cry sometimes. i really really want stiles to be the Poison Friend becuaser ;lkjsadflkjkl;h;asldf) and about that line from last week where morell was like 'it's a bit late to play big brother' and WHAT. what does that MEAN and
she's not here and it's weird and i'm lonely all day.
And it doesn't help that I officially quit CTE, because I wasn't going anyway, and it's painful to think about going, and I've been kind of on the edge of an anxiety attack whenever it got brought up. soooo in other words I'm free ALL DAY and now that I'm not sleeping through it it's like so what do i do now and she isn't here to do things with me. or to pester. whatever. AND there's like fourish people i would want to hang out with right now, and one of them is at cte, one of them is at a different theatre intensive thing, one of them is in seattle (he'll be back soon, but point is i can't bike over to his house right now and make him get up and hang out with me and talk about his issues), and one of them doesn't actually even live in olympia and neither of us have decent transportation options so.....
wow, three of those four people are guys. and the one girl i think also hangs out primarily with guys. interesting.
i guess it's just easier to be friends with guys. (unfortunately i also tend to agree with harry, to an extent. whoops.)
i'm just gonna go back to my fanfiction and maybe watch disney channel to keep me awake. yeahhh.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

i have only been awake for like twelve and a half hours i swear

okay so im not actually sure that anyone who reads my blog (does anyone read my blog anymore? i haven't checked my stats in a few weeks) watches teen wolf so rundown:
show about teenage werewolves. the primary characters are: the main character, scott, his sometimes-girlfriend, allison, who's family are werewolf hunters (only her dad's alive at this point tho), his best friend, stiles (stiles is human so is allison), and derek, who is a broody twenty-something whose cougar-girlfriend was allison's aunt and killed most of his family (he's a werewolf and so was his family. only him and his sister laura and his uncle peter survived. then laura died. peter also died but was brought back to life, which, spoilers, sorry, but whatever. he has some serious bad-touch tendancies. also derek's baby sister came back to life or never died or something and THIS HAS NOT BEEN QUESTIONED ON THE SHOW I MEAN WHAT anyway). SO YES THAT IS THE MAIN CHARACTERS. there's a plethora of other characters, like Lydia who is actually a main character but i couldn't figure out how to work her in there, and Jackson who used to be a main character BUT THE ACTOR LEFT THIS SEASON and Boyd who is a sassy silent motherfucker and isaac who is the cutest puppy of all time and erica but she's dead and the sheriff who is stiles' dad and ms mccall who's scott's mom and she's the best ever and deaton who's the vetrinarian shaman magical lore dude who teaches scott and stiles everything he knows also morell who may or may not be his sister and i think is an evil druid but not the point
Derek is played by Tyler Hoechlin who has REALLY IMPrESSIVE EyEBROWS I MEAN
they're kind of like caterpillars that sit on his face all the time THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL.
So because Derek is a werewolf, they put Tyler Hoechlin in prosthetic makeup sometimes (a lot. he shifts a lot. often it's just his eyes or claws, tho, not the full beta shift) and BASICALLY
when this happens, his eyebrows COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR.
I only just now learned this. they completely cover his eyebrows in makeup. it's wonderful.
yes this is what i think about when i get bored
on another note i got my glasses out at like one am and OH LORDY I CAN SEE SO MUCH BETTER. no more headaches!